My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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