I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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