I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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