Cold hands, warm shart.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
