I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
