She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
