yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
