Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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