If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
