I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sorry my hands just texted you
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
