You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
