I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
