a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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