Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
