I accidentally burped into my bong.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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