so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
