wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
