He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
