i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
