I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
