A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
40s are totally the cure
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
