Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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