Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
