By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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