So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
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