You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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