Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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