plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
