Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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