I'm going to jail i love you
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
