I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
