if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
