Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
