And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
