wat bout pragnant strippers??
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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