I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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