I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
