Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
im holly from the hills drunk
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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