What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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