I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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