I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just had sex on a roof
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
