So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize