can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
