I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
