I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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