chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
