Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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