Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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