guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I touched a dick in church today
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize