i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
