So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize