I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
