I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
