mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
