I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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