I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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