I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
