Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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