omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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