I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
