My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My ATM looks so different sober.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
