so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
