Im at strip club and am horny
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize