If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
