so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
