So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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