I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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